-By Gautham Kamath
A true tribute and our SALUTATIONS to a MAN who has made us PROUD for over 2 decades now!
Once upon a time there was a patriotic Indian gentleman named Vishy (Not to be confused with Viswanathan Anand).He was an awesome chess player and World Chess Champion, who used to represent India in all major global Chess tournaments.
For some reason, he was asked to Prove his Indian citizenship, for which he had to meet an Officer in HRD Ministry.
With all difficulties he managed to get an appointment with that Babu(IAS Officer). He promptly went to HRD Dept, but had to wait outside the office for 2 hrs before he could get a chance to move in. Sadly, nobody, nooobody(including the HRD and Sports Ministers of India, who were passing by) recognized him though he was then a World Chess Champion who represented India.
Knowing the reason for Vishy’s arrival, shady-looking Babu asks Vishy to sit.
Then Babu starts asking questions sarcastically -
Babu: “Mr. Vishy.. The Indian Citizen…”
Vishy: “Yes Sir”
Babu: “But your records don’t say so…”
Vishy: “Sir but..”
Stopping Vishy in the middle, Babu Continues:
“Let me ask you few simple questions, which will prove whether you are Indian or not.
“Where were you born? “
Vishy: “In Mayiladuthurai Sir”
Babu: “Mayila kya?”
Vishy: “Mayiladuthurai Sir, a small town in Tamil Nadu”
Babu: “But you are residing in Spain for years?!?!”
Vishy: “Temporary sir, for professional reasons I …”
Babu: “Haan Hann theek hai theek hai, Now show me tuza Mayiladuthurai in that Indian Map” and points his fingure towards Indian map hung below Madamji’s photo.
That map had only metros, district HQs and few other places. No Mayiladuthurai. Vishy still searching.
Babu: “5..4..3..2..1… Time’s up.
“ok.. Where did you study?”
Vishy: “In Chennai Sir”
Babu: “Excellent… Then Beedy, Cig, drinks, disco, girls, ragging, gang wars, ****** films, eve teasing, class bunking, rocket throwing, cards, gambling, matka etc etc; Kuch toh kiya hoga naa tuneh?”
Vishy: “Ayyayyo, no Sir, Kadavule… “
Babu: “Still you say that you studied in India?, interesting…
Vishy: “Ok, what are you now?”
Vishy: “I am Chess Player Sir, World Champion. I am representing India in..”
Trring trring.. Babu’s phone rings.
Asking wishy to wait, Babu lifts the receiver: “Hello…. Oho Ania ji, boliye kaise yaad kiya hame?… Citizenship problem?…… Dont worry, I will help you get India-Pak Dual citizenship. Bass hamare fees.. ha ha ha.. bye..”
After dropping the call, Babu continues: ” Yes Vishy, where were we? Haam, you are a chess world champion. Any match fixing or something like that?”
Vishy: “No no sir,Never. I am real hard worker. I have been playing chess since…”
Babu: “Ok.ok.. But I am wondering whether Indians play chess also!?!? I dont see anybody playing anything other than Cricket in India… By the way, if you are Indian, you also would have played cricket right?”
Vishy: “I am Indian sir, but dont know how to play cricket.”
With birthplace not found in Indian map, no Indian-student like track-records, no involvement in match-fixing, and worst of all – No Cricket; Babu now almost convinced that Vishy is not an Indian. Then he decides to put Vishy to this Ultimate test.
Scratching his head Babu says: “Now I have enough evidence against you to say You are Not an Indian. No problem. I can sort it out. But the thing is…….. he hee hee….” with his hand under the table.
Perplexed Vishy wipes sweat on his forehead, failing to understand what that Babu was up to; failing to understand ‘True Indians’ way of asking Bribe’.
Now Babu is 110% sure that Vishy is not Indian. Suddenly jumping from his seat Babu says: “Aha.. Checkmate…whom do you think you are fooling, you spanish idiot, get the hell out of here. NOW”.
Vishy: “Sir but I have got Arjuna award, Khel ratna etc..”
Babu: “Big deal. Every other bat lifter gets these awards. Its a mere print-out. If you go to Shivajinagar(B’lore), you can get Bharathrathna replica also. So it is not enough to prove that you are Indian”
Vishy: “Sir , Sir, how can you say that? I was born and brought up in India. I have got Only Indian passport. Here is the original one sir.” Shows his passport.
Babu: “Huh, there are millions of people roaming around without any passport. Do you say that they are not citizens of any country? Moreover I can get you passport in any name you want. So Mr. its no proof.
“Ramukaka, koi ise dhakke maar ke bahar nikalo”.
Vishy while Ramukaka was dragging him out: “SSirr, Indian passport, awwwaaarrrds, Indian ffflllag while playing, bbbboorrn and bbbroughttt up here, nnnot even applied for annny other cccountry’s citizenssshhip…. sssiiirr, sirr, saaaaaaaaaaar”…
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